Hiding behind the big tree, over there, are voices telling me what to say to myself.

They do not just say what they say, they also perform it. So for example, if they want me to tell myself that I like some movie I’m watching, they may become a marionette making me laugh with their jerky movements. They might also be sitting back in an elegant chair stirring a sophisticated cocktail, critiquing the movie so that I can also.

They issue me my opinions, from their selections and one or two of my own meager creations, I choose the one I want to tell myself.

I don’t have any particular name for these things. Sometimes I call them ‘them’, sometimes I say ‘monster’ because I have argued with each of the snakes in Medusa’s head. They have been homeless people, a passerby on the street, a TV commercial, a participant in a reality show and so on and so on.

In any event, I told you all this so you can mediate the fight between us and you can tell me which one of us is right.

Last Wednesday I learned that he was the last one standing in the battle that had raged outside my window. The screams devastated me. I curled up on my bead and shivered, actually shivered, actually went fully under my blanket! Sounds of women and children being carried off to their fate, of last thrusts into dying men. By the end of the first week it didn’t bother me anymore, when the ruckus finally stopped, of course I was relieved, but I also missed the familiar.

So this is what happened, Corky rings my buzzer and stands at my door, I let him in and he sits on my couch, he tells me he “destroyed” the Libs.

He is a Conservative, I know this because it’s on his coffee mug.

(THIS REVIEW HAS BEEN UPDATED AND CORRECTED: THE PERSON ON MY COUCH WAS BEN SHAPIRO)

His words get obfuscated by speed of the delivery. He spoke for 43 minutes. I took a few notes. These are them:

• Barbie is a horrible movie 
• Intended audience is moms and their 8yr old daughters
• The movie will bomb
• Every scene is 2 min too long
• The movie is not realistic

I disagree with him!

My Review of Barbie

Barbie is a hysterical movie, it’s a satire. I laughed thru-out, so did everyone else in the theater.

WHO’S RIGHT?